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6th May 2019

It's been a long while since the story section last had any attention. A while back, I gave up on the idea of ever finishing my Star Wars stories, so instead have typed out a rough outline as to what may have happened during the rest of the saga. I've also expanded the names & characters section with images where possible.

29th October 2017

Did some work behind the scenes of the game blog page so that the game filters now work much better.

30th June 2017

A couple of months back I found loads of old notes about all the old Epic Space Marine games we played, starting from back when I was in high school. I thought it would be a good idea to type them all up as best I could, and upload them all. While I was at it, I also converted the Epic-S and 40K battle reports from their PDF state to HTML, and they can be found on the Warhammer 40K page.

World Of LLAP-Goch Inhabitants

This section provides details about some of most famous and influential inhabitants of the World Of LLAP-Goch.

The Masters

The Masters

The Masters

The GAPP-Loch Mistress, GAPP-Loch Master, and LLAP-Goch Master were without doubt the three most important characters in the history of the World Of LLAP-Goch ever. The LLAP-Goch Master and GAPP-Loch Master both popped into existence with very special and very silly magical powers. While the LLAP-Goch Master began creating crazy creatures to populate the world, the GAPP-Loch Master became intent on ruling. When the LLAP-Goch Master refused the GAPP-Loch Master's proposal of leadership, he became enraged and vowed to destroy all the LLAP-Goch Master had created, especially his trademark martial arts. The GAPP-Loch Master's most devious creation was his very own mistress, who was possibly more twisted than he was.

In 2002 the Masters clashed for the last time, and during their intense battle fell into a large vat of chocolate and both drowned. The GAPP-Loch Mistress continued to harass the world until she was defeated in her fortress in 2004. The world may never recover from the loss of its most influential characters, but now we will never know...

The Mad Doctors

The Mad Doctors were the elite. Easily the most intelligent people on the planet, but driven to complete insanity at earlier points in their lives. They operated in the otherwise uninhabited Rusha, in the underground Nutty Labz. There were 7 Mad Doctors in total, 6 of which were human. Here are two of the most popular:

Mad Doctor Jeremy
Born Jeremy McFranklin in 1935. In 1954 Jeremy was present at the alien spaceship crash site and was driven insane through disbelief. He became the world's first Mad Doctor and set up Nutty Labz. In 1997 he became intrigued by the alien situation and moved back to his native State Of Mind. President Gobblespud was unsure what to do with him and put him under the supervision of the Space Research Centre. In 2000 he was sent back to Rusha.
Mad Doctor Rumblecheeks
Born Ronald Rumblecheeks in 1970. In 1978 the 8 year old Ronald was beaten around the head by a man with a mallet that appeared out of nowhere. He became the world's youngest ever Mad Doctor. Despite his young age, Rumblecheeks had a knack for making very scientific inventions. In 2002, after several years of perfecting it, Rumblecheeks used his portable time machine to send himself back to 1978 in an effort to discover who his attacker was. However, he was startled by a child and hit it several times with his trusty mallet. After returning to the present, the Mad Doc was so scared by the experience he destroyed the machine.

LLAP-Land's Military

This military force was formed in the early 1970's to deal with the Red Blob Army in Plimpton. It is widely believed that the LLAP-Goch Master himself had something to do with its forming. Here are some of the most important members:

Harry Hogwash
Born 1942. Was the founding member and first leader of the military. He led them in their two major wars with the Red Blobs and The Stuff, and all in between. However, the war with The Stuff made him believe that, at over 50, he had become too old for the action. He retired from the front line to become a tactical advisor.
Albert Froot
A mysterious character who no-one ever knew much about. He was an ever present in the military, yet it seems he didn't age a day. The aura of strangeness he gave off made his allies a little uncomfortable around him, but his handiness in a fight was without question. His copyrighted 'Jumpupsillyslap' attack had to be seen to be believed. Not only did it incapacitate its victim, any enemies who saw it were so dazzled they lost all concentration, leaving them open to attack. He was still in the military when contact was lost with the world.
Ozzy Oog
Born 1952. Ozzy was an original member of the military. He was there in Plimpton and fought in the Red Blob crisis. A lot of people believe it was his genius that helped drive the Red Blobs out of Plimpton, but we'll never know, as he was killed near the end of the conflict.
Jimmy Oog
Born 1961. The third of three brothers, Jimmy was the brother of the late Ozzy. After many years of deliberation he followed his brother's footsteps and signed up in the late 80's. Harry Hogwash trusted him so much, he gave him a platoon to command during the Stuffy War. However, the platoon was nearly wiped out, and Jimmy seriously injured, in a particularly nasty encounter. After the war, he resigned his post and moved to Oog-Woog Land to become a free-lance toilet popper. It is unkown what later became of him.
Bob Boogie
Born 1979. A young and crazy recruit who was drafted in during the war with The Stuff. Bob was an expert in ballistics, and was very handy in the war with his many strange guns. However, he was sometimes a menace to everyone else, as he couldn't help but shoot things. If there was no enemy around, he had been known to go out in the street and blaze away randomly until he calmed down. Somehow, there were no serious injuries or fatalities caused by his craziness. He was still in the military when contact was lost with the world.
J.J. Fredrico
Born 1978. An amazingly intense, but very capable young man who joined the Military as their new commanding officer after the resignation of Harry Hogwash. J.J. was a master tactician and a likeable leader, but very often got extremely excitable during times of trouble. He was still in the military when contact was lost with the world.
Eddie Von Trout
Born 1974. Eddie signed up during the war with The Stuff. However, he was not a full time member. He just helped out in his spare time. He did many things in his spare time. Fighting, fixing things, playing detective, plastic surgery... you name it. He was a bit weird. Eddie was one of the beings captured by the GAPP-Loch Mistress, and therefore one who helped defeat her.

The Moot Police

The Moot Police were two officers specialising in the most unordinary tasks, such as Prug chasing and bog bopping. In 1997 the officers faced their toughest challenge when a sock thief went on the rampage in Moot and several other neighbouring towns. Reinforcements were sent from Plimpton's Centre Of Mentally Deranged Police Officers in the form of Jimmy Cronkshonk. Cronkshonk and one of the original officers, Inspector Nug Nug Yer Fugs A Pug, discovered it was actually the other officer, Constable Derek Dibble, that was commiting the sock thefts. With the help of Nug's police dog, Mig Mog The Singing Dog, they arrested him and saved the Holy Green Socks Of Life that resided in Tiggles. However he later escaped.

Unable to catch him, Cronk and Nug did some recruiting of their own. They managed to persuade Peter Pantree, one of the original victims of the sock thief, to join them. More help came from Geoffrey McNuggat, a special agent from the Fat Buckaroo Centre, who caught Dibble after he planted a bomb in Moot Station. Cronkshonk put the bomb in his trousers for safe keeping, but during a frantic game of Hit The Pan, Dibble escaped yet again, and the bomb went off, killing Cronkshonk, Nug, Peter and Geoffrey. Mig Mog was not present at the blast and moved to Plimpton to train other police dogs in the art of singing. Moot has since been without a police force.

Dibble went on the run and was finally caught up with in 2003 working in a sock factory in Oog-Woog Land. He was finally sent to Codga-Wodga World.
Mig Mog The Singing Dog was one of the beings captured by the GAPP-Loch Mistress in 2004. He survived the encounter.

The State Of Mind's Government

The State Of Mind was probably the one country on the planet that even vaguely resembled one of Earth's. So much so that it had its own presidential ruling system. Some of the most important people are here:

Derek Diddley
Born 1898. Nicked named 'Roppa-Pom' because he always talked like he was singing. He was the first President of the State Of Mind. He was elected in 1922. Over the years he was in charge he generally became quite a disliked President. He managed to keep the alien crisis in the '50s a secret from all but a few that needed to know, and was later criticised by LLAP-Land and many residents in his own country for refusing to help with the Red Blob Army crisis. However, he was never deposed, and finally stepped down from Presidency in 1989. He died in 1994 from natural causes.
Gary Gobblespud
Born 1969. Gary was elected as President in 1989 at the young age of 20. It was generally felt that the country needed a younger brain to tackle problems after many years of Roppa-Pom Diddley. He did fairly well at bridging the gap with LLAP-Land for several years, but the stress began to creep in and he became hooked on Jelly Babies. He was then called into serious action in 1997. The country and the planet had come under attack from an alien invasion, and Gary led his people in the fightback, even flying a fighter aircraft into the final battle. However, it is believed that he was driven a little mad at the whole incident, and in 1998 was caught trying to eat a Rabbi, believing him to be a Jelly Baby God. He was deposed and sent to Codga-Wodga World.
Warren Wickyticky
Born 1941. Warren became the President's advisor in 1963. He became one of the very few people to be told the truth surrounding the 1950's alien incident. When Derek Diddley stepped down, he ran for President, but was out-voted by Gary. However, Gary realised his importance and kept him as advisor. During the '97 alien attack, he advised his companions to fly to the secret base, codenamed Area 200,872, to try and plan a way to fight back. He was killed in the final battle when his plane was hit, sending it out of control and crashing into the giant alien ship.
Michael Tarbuck
Born 1968. When Gary Gobblespud became President, the first thing he did was to make childhood friend Michael his General of the armed forces. Michael helped considerably in the alien conflict, offering military advice and flying a combat plane into battle. When Gobblespud was deposed in 98, Michael became the President by default after no-one else came forward for the job. In 99, he had to command the troops again in another fight against the aliens, and emerged victorious.
Alex De Booty
Born 1980. When General Tarbuck became the President, he gave the job of Presidential Advisor to this young and intelligent woman. She didn't really fit in around the place. She was clever, witty, and actually knew things about politics. A great person for the job, but most have come to believe President Tarbuck employed her for her obvious good looks.

The Space Research Centre Workers

The President and the people in the Space Research Centre grew to work very closely together after the first alien attack in 1997. They began to share work space at the Space Research Centre after the destruction of the Green House. Here are the workers:

Jeff Blumfield
Born 1976. Jeff was just 16 when he set up the Space Research Centre in 1992. He had a rather embarrassing moment with the President in 1994 when he visited the Green House to get financial backing for the centre. They had a scuffle and the President wedged Jeff's head inbetween two of his filing cabinets. So in '97 when Jeff discovered the alien spacecraft, the President didn't want to listen at first. He later became invaluable when he designed the technological anti-virus which enabled the fightback. After the first attack, it was Jeff's idea to make a planetary shield to defend against further attacks. It was a success during the second attack in 1999, until it was sabotaged by Jack Gooty, a local radio station D.J. who was under the control of the aliens.
Jeff was captured by the GAPP-Loch Mistress in 2004, and helped to finally defeat her.
Denzel Doolittle
Born 1932. Denzel showed great potential in his studies of extraterrestrial life, and in 1954 became the head scientist at Area 200,872. However, he gradually grew more annoyed that all of it was being kept secret, and after 12 years quit to become a doctor. During the '90s he ignored his secrecy contract, and occasionally gave evidence about the aliens to a young Jeff Blumfield who was working at the Space Research Centre. After the first alien attack, Denzel joined the Space Research Centre team, and helped to make the giant shield projector to protect the planet. When Jack Gooty was revealed to be under alien control, Denzel had the clever idea of giving him a deadly virus, so it would spread along the telepathic link to the other aliens. In 2003, Denzel retired, and moved to Meowii to surf all day everyday.
Bob R. Habidfisch
Born early '70s (exact date unknown). Bob was Jeff's original partner at the old Research Centre before the alien attacks. Himself, Jeff, and Denzel were the people who rushed to inform the President after they discovered the alien ship in space. After the first alien attack, Bob quit the research centre, and mysteriously wasn't seen again. There was an evil rumour going around that he turned into the porn king Uncle John, but it was never substantiated.

The Shnoops

Henry Boo

Henry Boo

Shnoops were dumb but evil. They were basically humanoid in appearance apart from their very fat faces. They always seemed to have a grudge against the Hoots, but it was never clear why. They regularly attacked Hooty Village using their supposedly hypnotic dance which was called 'Shnooping'. It involved wiggling your body as if you were made of jelly, and never managed to hypnotise anybody.
The Shnoops leader was Henry Boo, who took charge of the species by dazzling everone else with his mad glasses. His second in command was Rozza the Bozza, who was quite possibly the dumbest Shnoop of them all.
It is unclear where the Shnoops lived, but it was guessed they camped in a mountain range in the south of Codga-Wodga World.

Tunes Men

The Tunes Men were a strange lot. They were fairly late in being released upon the world. They began to surface when the GAPP-Loch Master re-appeared in 1999. They were usually humanoids from LLAP-Land who had been overtaken by so much GAPP-Loch evil that their brains had melted. All they could then do was drive shitty white vans, taxis, and Tunes Men cars, listen to shitty dance music, and generally annoy everyone else. On top of this, all they seemed to be able to say were the following words and phrases: "what a tune", "yeah", "wicked", "boscha" and "keep it sweet". Luckily, with the end of the Goch War, Tunes Men numbers dwindled, but those who remained continued to annoy the hell out of everyone they could.

The Red Blob Army

Red Blobs

Red Blobs

The Red Blob army were crazy little creatures who originated from Oog-Woog Land, but ended up all over the place in fairly large numbers. All through the 1900s, the Red Blob Army made a real nuisance of themselves the world over. This culminated in a full-forced attack on Plimpton in 1970, where they somehow managed to stop the production of timelines. It is unclear what happened in the next few years, for that information is known only by the Red Blobs, but they were forced out of Plimpton by the newly established LLAP-Land Military led by Harry Hogwash.
This defeat came as a shock to the Red Blobs, who were beginning to think themselves unstoppable in their quest for world domination. They retreated underground to reform and regroup, but for some reason never again threatened the world. It is believed The GAPP-Loch Master betrayed them somehow, but this was never proven. Only the Red Blobs know. And they never tell.
They only re-surfaced again after the death of the Masters. They took it upon themselves to guard the old chocolate banana making factory which became known as The Master's Graveyard. Some people believed they were still evil and were waiting for everyone to trust them so they may strike again. Most just didn't care.

The Plimps

The Plimp phenomenon was a crazy one. They were regarded as the silliest creatures on the planet, and were hailed as such. Their presence was felt the whole world over, yet no-one could ever claim seeing one, or indeed know what one looked like.
They were the elusive emmissaries of silliness in the world.
It is believed that a brave group of Plimps helped Jeff, Eggy, Joseph and the others in defeating the GAPP-Loch Mistress, but once again they managed to stay out of sight.

The Worms

An evil worm

An evil worm

The worms of the world lived mainly in Wormtown in Oog-Woog Land. For a long time the good worms were at war with the evil worms of the town.
Some of the good worms did leave for the capital, but were killed by Freddy Crowger and his friend Coco.
The evil worms were identified by their big teeth and eyes, whereas good worms had neither, which kind of put them at a disadvantage.

The Slug Police

The Slug Police of Oog-Woog Land had the difficult job of keeping order in their country. With the ever changing rules of the land, this task was made exceptionally difficult, especially when only an inch tall and slower at moving than almost all other creatures in the world. Despite this, the Slug Police did an excellent job. They may have been small and slow, but the sheer amount of them made up for it, and the extremely tough Slug Justice System (also known as the Slug Juices) was enough to deter all but the most crazy law breaker.

The Prugs

A Prug

A Prug

Prugs were small oval shaped creatures from Oog-Woog Land. For some reason, they always claimed to be exceptionally angry, although they rarely acted it.

The Hoots

Big Hoot

Big Hoot

Hoots were short, kind-of-humanoidish people who lived in Hooty Village in LLAP-Land. They had small bodies, big heads, and small wings that enabled them to fly short distances. They had great big noses that they could blow exceptionally loud 'Hoots' from, which was their main weapon of defence. They were led by the very heroic, but very stupid Big Hoot, who ruled from Hooting Castle. Big Hoot's second in command was Hoot McGroot.
Living with the Hoots was the rather bizarre Eggy MacDeggy, a small egg-like creature. No-one knew where he came from, he was just there one day, but he offered the quite stupid Hoots much advice when they needed it most.
Their arch enemies were The Shnoops, who regularly attacked the village without warning.
Eggy MacDeggy was one of the beings captured by the GAPP-Loch Mistress and imprisoned during 2004. He was influential in her downfall.

Here is the information regarding the only non-human to ever become a Mad Doctor:

Mad Doctor Hooting-Flurgle
Born Harry Hoot in 1948. In 1970 Harry Hoot was present in Plimpton when the Red Blob Army attacked. It is unknown what happened to the Hoot, but he came out of the conflict a gibbering mess and became Mad Doctor Hooting-Flurgle. It is believed The Red Blob Army tortured him nearly to death for several months until the LLAP-Land Military saved him. Despite his insanity and much mucus, he has never forgotten his saviours. A fact he made clear when he returned to Plimpton in 1995 to help in their war with The Stuff. Despite it being a victory, the war did not go well for the Doc. Not only did he find his crazy inventions had no effect on The Stuff, he was also badly injured in the final conflict. He returned to Rusha to recover, and was soon once again making crazy inventions.

The Wasp Family





The wasps in the World Of LLAP-Goch were a little different to ours. They were bigger for a start (approx 4 inches tall), had arms and legs, and were fully capable of speech and thought.
One group of wasps, known as the Wasp Family, had their existence in the world thrust into the limelight in the late 1980s because of their confrontation with a collective of homicidal carrots. It is unknown where these carrots, led by the devious Colin, came from. The only explanation is that the GAPP-Loch Master created them to use against the LLAP-Goch Master, but the truth behind their heritage was unknown.
The wasps (led by the mighty Superwasp) found their habitat attacked by the carrots for no reason, and many wasps were killed off. Fearing another attack, the great wasp scientist, Bodgawasp, used the fallen bodies of the defeated wasps to make armoured fighting machines, powered by the partly re-animated brain of the host wasp. They proved a complete success, as when the next attack came, the carrots were completely wiped out, Colin being the last to fall at the hands (or sting) of Superwasp.

For many years the Wasp Family lived in relative quiet, until 2002. One of their number, Megawasp, was interested in the LLAP-Goch Master's new food product, the chocolate banana, and flew to his factory to get some info. Little did he know what fate would have in store for him that day.
As the GAPP-Loch Master attacked the factory, he animated three bananas and gave them a Sith makeover, the Force, lightsabers and everything. With little hesitation, the LLAP-Goch Master spied Megawasp and issued him with powers and equipment so that he could fight off the bananas while the Masters duelled. Megawasp was successful in holding off the bananas, but they escaped.
The Sith Bananas and their growing following became one of the the world's most deadliest threats. Megawasp, his family and their machines fought them many times.

Barrry The Fuzz Bug

Barrry The Fuzz Bug

Barrry The Fuzz Bug
(Picture magnified x50)

Barrry The Fuzz Bug claimed to be the only living thing on the planet before the LLAP-Goch Master popped into existence in 1708. Barrry felt he was denied rule of the planet by the crazy Welsh martial arts promoter, but nevertheless gave it a try. His teeny size meant he had no chance, and he was accidentaly squashed by another learner, Gav Toofyloop, a Prug. Gav was so angry with himself, he continued to run headlong into a wall until he fell down dead from exhaustion nearly two weeks later.

Sir Stip 'Sprouty' Junkfeet

Sir Stip Junkfeet

Sir Stip 'Sprouty' Junkfeet

Stip Junkfeet was originally a normal sprout like all the other sprouts on Old MacFlugg's farm, situated on the outskirts of Plimpton. Then one day in 1989 the LLAP-Goch Master himself passed by the farm and thought it would be a laugh to give a sprout a brain. He used his powers and brought the vegetable to life. He named the sprout Stip Junkfeet, and gifted the little veg with some of his very own intelligence. Stip believed it was his job to offer advice to the parts of the world that needed it most, and moved to Oog-Woog Land.
In 1995, the awesome respect he had come to recieve was enough to convince the then Lord of the Land (Raffer T. Jasp) to knight the sprout. He continued to serve the needs of the Oog-Woog public until 2004, when he learned of trouble brewing on Toybitus and headed there to help. He was followed by the evil Sith Banana Darth Peel, who kidnapped him and took him to the GAPP-Loch Mistress's fortress. He managed to escape with several other prisoners.

The Stuff

The Stuff

The Stuff

This strange creature threatened the very safety of everyone in Plimpton when it went on the rampage in 1995. It took all the might of the LLAP-Land Military, plus help from a very evil giraffe, to finally destroy it.
Its homicidal blobby nature, squidgey evasion techniques, and its assortment of stuffy attacks made it a fearsome enemy.