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9th June: Surviving A Blizzard

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6th May 2019

It's been a long while since the story section last had any attention. A while back, I gave up on the idea of ever finishing my Star Wars stories, so instead have typed out a rough outline as to what may have happened during the rest of the saga. I've also expanded the names & characters section with images where possible.

29th October 2017

Did some work behind the scenes of the game blog page so that the game filters now work much better.

30th June 2017

A couple of months back I found loads of old notes about all the old Epic Space Marine games we played, starting from back when I was in high school. I thought it would be a good idea to type them all up as best I could, and upload them all. While I was at it, I also converted the Epic-S and 40K battle reports from their PDF state to HTML, and they can be found on the Warhammer 40K page.

LLAP-Goch Extra Bits

On this page you will find LLAP-Goch scribbles and bits of info that do not seem to fit anywhere else.


Using all his old LLAP-Goch silliness, former Productioneer Stebloke interviews himself about everything LLAP-Goch...

Why are you doing this FAQ?
Because I'm stupid, and want everyone to know.
Fair enough. I guess we start at the beginning. What were the origins of LLAP-Goch?
It all started in 1996. For the last year, me and Doogle had been writing silly things in a crappy magazine I had been making at college called "The Codgetation". We also had been planning to make another silly film after having a great laugh the year before working on two really cheesy films called Power Duggs 1 and 2, which were spoofs of Power Rangers. Doogle showed me the LLAP-Goch Master in the Monty Python Bok that he'd got, and we both thought he was cool. When and why we decided to create LLAP-Goch Productions I can't remember, but the Master soon claimed The Codgetation, and the rest is history.
What about GAPP-Loch?
I think GAPP-Loch came about sometime during Sketchpad 3 in 99. On and off all year we had been filming both Sketchpad 3 and Shout!, but couldn't really be bothered to finish either of them. We kept joking the Master was losing his influence on us, and made up GAPP-Loch as something to blame it on. So really GAPP-Loch grew out of our own laziness.
So where did the World of LLAP-Goch come from?
I don't think there ever was a "world" as such to begin with. We talked about it and made up place names to appear in our films, but we never really thought much about it. We were just wrooting and flimming any old craziness and it was fun. When we all went onto the internet Doogle made some funny timelines to give the Masters some background, but the world didn't take its full shape until well after the Productions stopped. This is crazy I know but that was LLAP-Goch. It ruled. I went mad creating a map and used Doogle's timelines to help create a vivid history to fit everything together. Not easy when the Productions referred to places such as Russia, the African Plains and Australia. I did my best to create LLAP-Goch alternatives, but some things I just ignored. After all, who's ever gonna check?
So why did you choose to finally finish LLAP-Goch? Surely contact could have continued through stories, games etc...
It soon became apparent that LLAP-Goch was doomed without any possibility of more films. They were the only things that really meant anything to anyone. And while I could have carried on with stories, games etc... I found that my own silliness had faded without either the Master's or Doogle's own insanity to help me along. To end everything I started to make a silly game, but gave up on that and decided to write a story. Then I gave up on that as well. I guess I'm just too damn lazy to keep writing stuff. Leave me alone.
So now the game and the story are never going to be finished, just what was going to happen in them?
This was the basic outline of the story : As stated elsewhere the GAPP-Loch Mistress had kidnapped several of the world's most respected characters. These were Stip Junkfeet, Eggy MacDeggy, Mig Mog The Singing Dog, Mr. Itchyotoe, Jeff Blumfield, Joseph Kronikoff and Eddie Von Trout. She planned to break their spirit in the dungeon of her fortress as a way of helping the force of GAPP-Loch to finally take over the world. The Mistress was aided in this task by her sick and twisted minion, The Shopkeeper, who ran a shop in the dungeon and owned a weasel called Snotch and a baboon called Bumbidamm who also helped him taunt the prisoners. One day Eggy woke up in his cell to find he had been released from his chains. He didn't know it yet, but The Plimps had set him free. He escaped his cell and fought the weasel to the death, finally incapacitating it with a flying "eggbutt". After stealing the weasel's keys Eggy managed to free Eddie Von Trout just in time as the baboon came grunting towards him. Now Eddie was a very active person and always needed to be doing something, so being locked up in his cell for days had driven him half mad with hyperactivity. He launched himself at the baboon and they fought with all the rage and intensity of monkeys on ice. Eddie managed to freak the baboon out and it ran away. Eggy and Eddie then freed all the other captives. Most of them were in a bad way. Joseph had not been allowed to take his pills so his Sing-It disease had once again taken over him. Mig Mog constantly whined due to not having any balls to play with. Mr. Itchyotoe had been restrained so he couldn't scratch his toe, and was now scratching at it constantly. Stip Junkfeet had saved up many days of pointless wisdom and his words now came from his mouth like a big non-stop useless flow of, well words really. Eddie was still half crazed and Eggy was badly injured after his duel with the weasel. As the only half-sane one there Jeff took charge of the group and led them into the shop and into confrontation against The Shopkeeper and his baboon. After a several second insult duel, The Shopkeeper broke down in tears, and Joseph's singing forced the baboon to flee back into the dungeon, never to be seen again. The captives stocked up on supplies from the shop, many of them tools that had been used to taunt and torture them, and headed up the stairs into the fortress. They found the GAPP-Loch Mistress who tried to overpower them with her bad breath. The captives now had breath mints from the shop, and threw packets of them at a time into her mouth. The Mistress was not happy, and then attacked them with her special Um Bongo weapons. The captives fought her back with spud guns that were so powerful they fired whole potatoes at a time. In a rage, The Mistress began to throw bananas at them. Surely no-one could survive such an assault. But what's this? Jeff, Joseph and Eddie now all wore special "banana armour", which they had found in the shop which had been placed there when The Shopkeeper wasn't looking by The Plimps. Suddenly The Mistress understood, and cursed the presence of The Plimps who sought to defeat her. The captives then also understood how they had come to escape, and knowing The Plimps were watching over them used all their skills to defeat the GAPP-Loch Mistress, who exploded in a shower of popcorn. This event meant neither LLAP-Goch or GAPP-Loch existed, and contact with the world was lost.
Why was the Master Welsh and yet there was no Wales in the World Of LLAP-Goch?
The Master wasn't Welsh. Well, definitely not as in a person from Wales anyway. He wasn't even from our world, silly. There are a few explanations: 1) Welsh in The World Of LLAP-Goch may have meant something completely different. 2) For all we know there maybe was a place called Wales that the LLAP-Goch Master had once considered home. We might not have discovered it, or The GAPP-Loch Master may have destroyed it. How do we know? 3) Don't forget that the LLAP-Goch Master knew all from the moment of his creation. He knew everything about our world as well as his own. Maybe he liked the Welsh people from our world the best and considered himself one of them. Again, how do we know? Now shut up and stop asking difficult questions.
Is there a possiblity that the Masters will be resurrected once again?
Now that's a stupid question. Of course there is. It was the World Of LLAP-Goch. Anything could happen on that stupid planet. Whether the LLAP-Goch Master would choose to communicate with us once again is another matter. Who knows? Maybe he's already alive again. I'd like to think someone somewhere is being motivated by his fantastic stupidity.
Was there a currency on the World Of LLAP-Goch?
Good question. The simple answer is there wasn't really one. Those who did trade used different kinds of food. Squidgey wolapz, small jelly-like things, were the most popular in LLAP-Land. In The State Of Mind, most people used strange green biscuits called Funcherz, and the most stupid toys on Toybitus traded in Idgits, which were red chocolate things.
Where were the LLAP-Goch Productions set?
The Adventures Of Detective Cronkshonk was set in LLAP-Land, mainly in Moot. The towns Grac, Klergs, Klokko, hHonk and the Tiggles Wood also featured. Indescribable Day was set in the State Of Mind, first in Boschington, then at Area 200,872. Albert's Diary was set in Plimpton. Cronkshonk 2 was also set in Moot, but this time the gang also visited Quimp Quarry, although this wasn't actually named in the film. The very edited Production Shout! was set in Plimpton. Anything with toys in it was set on Toybitus.
What happened to the world after contact was lost with it?
It is unknown. The long conflict had ended. Either people just carried on without a care, or they all went mad. Maybe they all died and the world itself no longer exists. Could it be that someone is at this very minute trying once again to revive the Masters? We don't know.
What the hell is all this flimmed and wrooted nonsense on this site?
It was not enough for us to simply write or film things as LLAP-Goch Productioneers. We had to wroot or flim them instead. Yes, we wrooted and flimmed many crazy things indeed. It's just a silly name change. Deal with it.
Are there any things that were made that no longer exist?
Oh yes. The original paper Codgetation Magazines were destroyed after I copied everything I wanted onto this site, so some stuff there has been lost. I don't think Doogle's "Noopin' Dust" adventure game exists anymore, but I'm sure I've got my "Woog Game" somewhere. Doogle and The Fish once made their own small sketch Production called "Bloogie", which was finished at the same time as Sketchpad 2 and Cronk 2, but was destroyed a few days later. I don't think anyone has a working copy of the first Sketchpad anymore either, as my original VHS copy got chewed. And when I made new versions of "Cronk" and "ID" for the DVDs some of the bits from those got cut and no longer exist, like the adverts and the flimmed version of "Fiendish Creation". Of course, the original cuts of those 2 films no longer exist either, as they were on the VHS tapes I binned afterwards.
Were any things planned that were never made?
Again, oh yes. We planned loads of films and never got round to them. These included "Digitiser", where the characters would get pulled into a computer game, "Go Go Goch", which was a spoof documentary, "The Candy Ass Bitch Project", where the characters would get lost in a tiny forest, "Irrelevant Evil", which was a rip off of the Resident Evil computer games, "The Fing", which was about a science experiment gone bad, "Indescribable Day 2", and of course "everything=nothing". We had completed scripts for several of those films, but just never got round to filming them. The Candy Ass Bitch Project however did have a rather bizarre trailer made for it that appeared in Sketchpad 2000. The trailer's plot had absolutely nothing to do with the actual idea and no footage from it would have been used in the film if we had made it.
There were also loads of ideas for sketches for later Sketchpads, such as "The Wet Detective", "Men In Vests", "The Twits Meet Tunes Man", and a CSI spoof set in the Star Wars universe.
There were also originally 4 more episodes of the Toybitus Web-Comic, making the total episodes to 25, but I just wanted it finished so bad I hacked them out. The funniest one off the top of my head would have been where Hot Rod accepts a dare to try and pick up chicks in a club and makes a dick of himself. If anyone has read those comics, they'll know I hate Hot Rod.
Well thanks for talking to yourself. I'm sure the readers appreciate it.
No problem. See you soon, you freak.

LLAP-Goch Did You Know?

The Adventures Of Detective Cronkshonk
The entire film was based on an incredibly insane story that Doogle had written in the Codgetation Magazine.
That awesome phone sound was made by rattling a pen inside a drinking glass.
The Holy Green Socks Of Life were actually supposed to appear at the end of the film, as Sven had got a really old pair of mad green socks from when he was a kid. But, as always, he couldn't find them on the day of shooting and the cast had to work around it.
An advert in the middle of the film gave details of a Trap Door rip-off called Rood Part. Doogle and Sven were originally going to make this rip-off using their own plasticine characters, but as usual couldn't be bothered.
Indescribable Day
President Gobblespud's name was originally Gogglespud, but was changed when someone Mart was chatting to online from Australia got mixed up and thought it was Gobblespud, which we all thought was hilarious.
That awesome phone sound was made by The Fish shouting "Ring Ring".
Sven was originally meant to play the President, but after discovering his scenes were going to be filmed at the school he used to go to he dropped out of the film. Mart, who was originally going to play Jack Gooty, stepped into the President's shoes, and Doogle managed to talk Sven into being Gooty.
The name Jeff Blumfield came from Doogle's dad, who once thought that this was Jeff Goldblum's real name. Jeff Goldblum of course was in the proper Independence Day.
The alien ship's engine sound was made by a de-tuned radio in the background.
You wouldn't know to look at them, but the Amiga-animated dogfight scenes had an exceptional amount of work put into them. They were animated by Doogle and Sven on Doogle's old Amiga 1200, then recorded to video. These were then audio-dubbed with sounds from Sven and JIK's PC, which were triggered manually from the program on the PC. So much work for things that are so dodgy. Ah, LLAP-Goch ruled.
The Mad Doctor to be mentioned in this film was originally Mad Doctor Hooting-Flurgle. But it was changed to Mad Doctor Jeremy when Mart couldn't say the line without laughing.
Albert's Diary
Albert's Diary was originally meant to be three small sketches to appear in adverts of other films.
Most of the film was supposed to be outside in a garden, but for some reason it was moved inside.
Cronkshonk 2: "Rubber Pants, Socks and Pans"
That awesome phone sound was made by Doogle shouting "Ring Ring".
Cronkshonk 2 was originally supposed to be the Independence Day spoof. Dibble was going to jump on a rocket ship to escape the police officers and then end up being blasted into space. He would then later return with an army of aliens to attack the world. It never happened because we wouldn't have had enough cast to be the President and science people etc. as well as all the original cast of Cronkshonk 1.
The Sketchpads
Sven was involved in writing two Shout! films. One with LLAP-Goch, and one with another amateur film company called Dreamscape. He would regularly swipe jokes from one script to give to the other. Neither one was ever finished, but at least LLAP-Goch started theirs!
Shout!/Sketchpad 3 made history when they/it became the first Production(s) to contain a real phone sound.
After the huge success of the Jaws dub in Sketchpad 2, Sven, JIK and Mr. Krig tried another one. This time it was of Ghostbusters, when the gang fought slimer, and it was to appear in Sketchpad 3. Unfortunately without Doogle's insanity they failed to make it funny and it was dropped.
everything=nothing's original title was "Sketchpad 5: It Was Emblazened On The Side Of The Trams".
Emma was the third person to agree to playing Wendy House in Shout! and thankfully the first one who actually showed up for filming.
Toy Sketches
Fiendish Creation didn't have a script. It was completely improvised all the way through.
The first BBC (that appeared in "Cronkshonk") had to be re-filmed because one of Sven's video players chewed up the original tape.
The Transformers scene in Sketchpad 2 took Sven and JIK five hours to get those two minutes of film.
Some of the Constructicons in Toybitus episodes 8 and 11 are not green at all, because Sven only had a green Scavenger at the time. The G2 yellow ones were used, and had their hue changed during editing.
The title and story of Toybitus Episode 11 make no sense. Ever since childhood, Sven had assumed Ravage was a dog. It was not until the late 2000s he realised Ravage was actually a cat.
The Codgetation Magazine was originally called T'Mag.
As far as we know, the words LLAP-Goch have no meaning at all in Welsh. The name fitted us well.