For some reason, I still own my Mega Drive, even though the poor old thing barely even works any more. You have to switch it on and off several times for it to even boot, and the power LED is of no help as that doesn't work any more either. Even then, some of the games don't seem to work at all whereas some do, though they need a bit of cajoling.
Like all of the consoles I have owned over the years, I never bought many games for it, and several of those either went to a second hand shop or in the bin. Of the six I do still possess, two of them are unfinished, even though they are two of the games that I played the most of, behind WWF Raw.
As luck would have it, they are both silly racing games, so I thought I'd stick them together here and give them a damn good go. However, as my original hardware is not exactly a vision of health, I elected to emulate once more, which would also let me get content for this equally silly website.
Up first was Micro Machines Turbo Tournament '96. I may have tried a few times to play some single player in this, but like most games back then, I played the multiplayer far more. What was cool about the cartridge for this game was that it provided two more game ports, so we could play this with up to four players.
My first decision was to choose an avatar. There were some nerdy looking characters, but I went with Walter, the bald guy that looks like he's eaten too many KFCs. That's very much me.
Challenge
A ten race challange was up first, and to advance onto the next race, I had to finished first or second. I replayed every race a few times to learn the track, and this was usually enough to get first place. A few tracks required a few more attempts, but it was weird that these were spread out all through the challange, rather than having the harder ones near the end.
I found it strange after a few tracks that I couldn't really remember any of them.
League
The league saw me trying to climb through 3 leagues, each of 4 races each, with whoever has the most points being promoted.
Some of the races, especially in the top division, were a nightmare. The roads were tight, the cars slippery, and even the slightest touch with anything can send you flying off the edge. Plus, as is usual for these kind of games, any collision with a competitor will see you fly haywire across the screen, but barely have any effect on them.
Still, using copious save states and reloads, I was able to take the title.
There I go, falling off the desk again
Can't get crushed by the vice if I can't actually drive through it
Getting pushed around
Champion X2
Pro Challenge
Phew. Here's where things really ramped up. How the hell anyone completed this without save states I will never know. If anyone ever did, that is.
The pro challenge is the same competition as the normal challenge, but with 15 tracks instead of 10, and most of them were very hard.
It wasn't until the 6th race of the pro challenge that I actually remembered a track, or at least thought I did. This was quite a difficult "tree house" track, where you have to drop into the gutter at one point. We definitely used to play something like that in multiplayer. But I assure you, we never got this far through a pro challenge.
There was an odd run of races from the 9th to the 12th which were quite easy, taking just 2 or 3 attempts to get the win. But this confidence came back to bite me in the ass in race 13, which was a killer. I just couldn't get my head around the middle section with all of the mushrooms, and it was the only race so far where I couldn't get 1st place, so had to settle for 2nd.
After managing a win in the penultimate race I was up against it in the finale. I finished 2nd several times, but in the last race, 2nd was not enough to win the championship. The problem is, the blue car was faster on the straights and around the corners.
After what felt like at least two dozen attempts, I was able to drive a flawless 3 laps that included a few shortcuts, allowing me to just pip in front of them and take the championship.
Pro League
The lowest division in the pro league started with a few easy races, the second of which I even won on my first try. It was definitely nice to be immediately competitive again.
This did not last, however, and I was soon back to having to play each track multiple times in order to memorise them before being able to win.
In the top division, the second track was the first one that I was simply unable to finish first. This race involved aeroplanes, and they were so uncontrollable, and the track littered with choke points that were so hard to manoeuvre through, that the best I could do after a great many attempts was second. This put me on level points with the blue racer, who in this league was Jolene.
It didn't take long for me to win the third race, which I think was the first time I'd had to race in a dragster.
The final race was a nightmare, though partly of my own making. This was a very tight tree house track, with wind blowing so strong that it pushed your car off the track if you didn't account for it. It was a bit of a mind-bender at first, but when I got a little more used to it I soon won the race to win the league and complete the game as far as I wanted to.
Then I realised my immense mistake, as I had not taken a screenshot of the victory screen like I had for the other competitions. Oh well, I thought. I'd cracked this race now, so I could go straight out and win it again, right?
It took me nearly 30 minutes of trying to get that win again, compared to about 10 minutes it took for my first win. I was so angry at every little mistake, or bump from an opponent, that knocked me off my line or saw me falling to my doom. I got some joy at the end, as my victorious attempt saw me punt Jolene straight off the branch we were on, meaning she finished that race 3rd, and ended up with 1 point less than she did on my first win.
Working my way through the field
Why are the cars so illuminated in such low light?
Trying to jump over the opponents
Champion X4
Boy, I'm glad this is over. I've been playing it on and off for 3 weeks, and a cheesy old game like this just shouldn't take that long to race through.
After playing this, and seeing how few tracks I remember, I'm guessing the game I played a lot with my mates back in the day was Micro Machines 2, which came out two years before this one. So I probably never really played this one much at all.
But this is the one I decided to buy back in the day, so this is the one I played here.
It was time to attempt my final Mega Drive game, so I could tick this platform off the "fully done with" list, to join the PS3 and the Spectrum.
The game in question is Street Racer, another silly racing game.
The jury's out on this game concerning whether or not I actually managed to beat it back in my teens. The only thing that makes me think I might have done is that the passwords for the second and third championships are written in my old instruction book. So at the very least, I did manage to get to the third and final challenge.
What makes me think I absolutely did not complete it back in the day is all the time I've spent with it recently. Let me tell you: I highly doubt I beat this thing.
And I still haven't.
Is Frank swatting a bug?
I'd love to see what's coming round this corner
Prepare for take off
I started with the Frank, the character I used to play as. After dabbling in the football, I got stuck into the first championship, but didn't do very well.
I changed up my tactics and switched to Helmut, who had a better car, but was simply not as cool. I managed to get through that championship with little difficulty, just replaying a race here or there to make sure I was still comfortably top of the table.
For the silver championship I switched again, and tried to use Sumo. He had a fast car with good handling to get around the corners, but I just couldn't get over his slow acceleration. So I started again with beach babe Surf Sister, for a better balanace of all the stats.
Using her made it possible for me to get through the silver championship, though I had to replay nearly all of the tracks several times. And by the time I'd finished it, I just couldn't take any more. This is just a shit game, and I don't care that I've not completed it by struggling through the gold championship.
The main issue here is the cornering. When you're driving around a corner, you simply can't see what's coming next, as the track goes completely off the side of the screen, sometimes to an almost 90o angle. And then on most corners there are hazards like instant bombs, and dynamite that will explode if you don't pass it to another car.
And these hazards are impossible to miss because you don't see them coming.
Back in 2015 I played a game called FlatOut 2, and I wrote a list of four things that really annoyed me about the game. Well in some weird twist of fate, all four things also happen in this game.
Abbreviated, the list is here:
- The AI drivers often reacted dynamically to my speed, slowing down or speeding up to match me.
- AI drivers seemed to correct themselves much faster than I could after a crash.
- The results after I crossed the line were definitely randomised, and not simulated properly. And drivers at the back of the pack would often get the fastest lap.
- Debris was weird. You can hit a cone or wooden barrier and your car would grind to a halt rather than just smashing through it.
In addition to these, the minimap certainly does not match the actual track, often displaying the completely opposite direction for the corner you are currently going around, and sometimes missing corners out all together.
And if that wasn't enough, it's another racing game where you always start from the back. The cheek.
Stupid obstacles
Turbo boost!
Giving my fellow racers a bit of a shock
Yeah, this thing can go back in to its forgotten box where it belongs.